Back to Life. Back to Reality.

(Do I feel like a bit of a hypocrite sharing the link to this on my Facebook? You betcha. But I just felt like sharing.)

In my last post, I mentioned how I had deleted Facebook and Instagram off of my phone. I can still access them on the desktop but it's not super convenient like having it on the tips of my fingers.

In the October 2015 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there was a talk called, "What Lack I Yet?" 

"If we are humble and teachable, the Holy Ghost will prompt us to improve and lead us home, but we need to ask the Lord for directions along the way."

In the talk, he talked about how when we ask sincerely, God will tell us how we can improve and what things we need to do to get there. Well, reluctantly, I asked. "How can I feel the Spirit more?" "What is thy will for me?" "What lack I yet?" "How can I be more patient with my kids?" "How can I get more things accomplished?" Well, I got my answer and pretty fast. I knew it was coming but I was in denial. In fact, it took me awhile to take action.

The answer?

"Delete social media off of your phone."

What? NO! How will I keep in contact with people? How will they see my cute kids? How will I see what other people are up to? What if I miss out on something? What if I miss an invitation? What if I get bored...how will I fill my time? 

Guys. I couldn't do it at first. I literally said, "No. I can't." I knew it was a problem, but I resolved to use it for good. To share good things, to say good things, to share compliments and to share pictures of my littles.  I never realized how much time I was spending on my phone until I got an app that told me I was spending HOURS on my phone. Scrolling through posts. Over and over. I tried to just spend less time on my phone. Leaving my phone upstairs if I was downstairs or visa versa. But I just couldn't. It was like second nature. I would open my phone and my fingers would automatically go to the Facebook/Instagram buttons. Even if I had just closed my phone and closed the apps. It was so weird and shameful almost.

So I asked again (later...maybe a few weeks).

"Delete social media off of your phone."

I knew I had to. I was ADDICTED. Is that hard to say? Yes. Am I still addicted? Yes. I literally get cravings, triggers to look at Facebook and Instagram. I realized my annoyance with my kids is when they were begging for my attention but I was too sucked in to my phone that I would get mad they were bugging me or getting into things. Again...embarrassing. I feel like I am an excellent mother. But there was room for improvement.

So I took immediate action. I deleted the apps off of my phone.

I won't lie. It's been hard. Withdrawal is real. 

It's really quite embarrassing putting it out there--to admit I'm addicted--TO MY PHONE. TO MY PHONE PEOPLE!? What is this?!

Have I missed out? Yes. Will I in the future? Most likely. I have made it a goal to invite more. To send a quick text to tell people I miss them. Instead of stalking their profiles, I'm actually getting to know them. 

Now, after not having these apps on my phone, going to Facebook and Instagram is overwhelming. I feel drained and stressed scrolling through. I wish that I could see everyone's lives and what they're up to. But it's exhausting. I was comparing myself to others, wishing I had talents they have. Looks they have. Friends they have. Lives they have. But I'm learning to love the life I have sans social media. I want to actually get to know people. I want to meet them. I want to TALK to them. I want to "play" with them. I want to see them. Now I have the time to read my scriptures. Actually spend the 30 minutes--hour I was spending catching up on Facebook/Instagram on the scriptures and talks and preparing my lessons for young women. Now I have the time to actually play with my kids instead of "watching" them play. Now I have the time to keep up on my house. Am I perfect? Not even. Just trying my best.

Do I still get on?? Occasionally, to clear my notifications. But like I said, it's overwhelming. 

Why am I writing this? I don't know. Not to brag. Like I said, I'm embarrassed to even be admitting this stuff. But maybe to encourage you? Reach out to people in REAL life? Show interest in REAL LIFE? Decide what's important. Am I judging? Not at all...please don't judge me!!! Decide on your goals and how you want to accomplish them. What is standing in your way?

Maybe you can ask, "What Lack I Yet?" I would love to know (if it's not personal) what things you have been working on! Comment below!

Alive

Holy cow! Hey there....who hasn't blogged for year??? This girl (insert embarrassed emoji here)!!

It's not like I can catch up either because I don't even remember what happened a week ago. So let's start over Ya? Fresh start???

So this is our blog. I will attempt to update once a week. I always get so overwhelmed by adding pictures and what not but I would love to look back at this and remember our lives. Especially this super special time with our little boys and being away from home. 

Some things that did happen-

Trips to Idaho for Keegan's wedding/during breaks and Christmas. We always love coming home and seeing family. Now the boys have a new auntie Kenz!

Kamden came home from Tonga!

Randy did school...nothing new there. 

Jaxon turned 1!

Ryker turned 3!

I survived!

Seriously so lame....

I guess the only reason I am so focused on this now is because I have decided to delete the Facebook and Instagram apps off of my phone. More on that later. So I'm worried that I will have lost contact with the world. I post pictures and what not like crazy over there but now without the apps, it's like I've lost all connection. 

So I'll try my best ok??

THANK YOU MADD!E!!!

Notice anything different around here??

I have to give a HUGE thank you to Madison Cline for custom designing my blog.  I have been wanting to change this blog up so bad but was so overwhelmed! I didn't know where to start. But she made it so easy and was so accommodating if I needed anything changed (which I didn't because she nailed it). I gave her a few ideas, a color palette and she came up with this bad boy!

So check it out. 

Read our story, see what we believe, check us out on social media and subscribe if you want!

Thanks again Maddie!

"I'm going to marry him"

Ugh...how could I possibly pay attention in Nutrition class when Randy was only hours away from touching ground after two (LONG) years preaching the gospel to the folks in Oklahoma City. I texted my mom, "I can't even pay attention."

 "Do you want me to come get you and we'll go to the airport?"

 "NO! He doesn't even want me there plus I have a meeting in a few hours."

 "Then pay attention." 

"Ya, that's not happening." 

 "I'm on my way."

I was in Rexburg Idaho at the time attending BYU-Idaho and my mom drove 45 minutes to come get me and take me to the airport.

Before Randy left on his mission, I was head over heels in love with him. Did I know what love was?? Probably not...I was a junior in high school. But I did cry two weeks straight after he left so it had to be love right??? ;)

He didn't ask me to wait for him because I was young and he honestly thought I would be married by the time he returned (especially if I was attending BYU-I do!)

But nearing the end of his mission, I would ask him what the future held in store for us and HE WOULDN'T ADDRESS THE QUESTION! His mom asked if I was going to the airport and I told her probably not because he wouldn't tell me if he wanted me there and I just didn't want to be in the way. It was best if I wasn't there and it was just his family.

Once I got to the airport, my heart was beating. His mom and his best friends mom (him and his BFF came home together. How cute is that?? ;) ) were unpatiently waiting by the doors. I was shaking uncontrollably. What would he think when he saw me there? Did he even want me there? What if he thinks I'm a fat, ugly, freak?? Totally rational thoughts right??

As he came down those stairs, I started bawling....like tears streaming down my face. I turned to my mom and I said, "I LOVE HIM....I'm going to marry him." She started boobing like a baby too.

After he greeted his family and friends, it was finally my turn. I wanted him to hug me SO bad....but ya...this happened....

An awkward handshake...(I was probably giving him crazy eyes and all I'm thinking is "HUG ME DANGIT!")

He had made a promise that if I was at the airport that he wouldn't hug me, but only shake my hand because he was still an elder. And you know what? I absolutely respect that promise now. He is a man of his word and he understood the sanctity of his calling as an elder. 

(He would later come up to Rexburg after he was released and it felt like he had never left.)

I can't believe it's been 5 years since I saw him walk down those stairs. I thought I loved him then but oh boy. Now I truly know what love is. 

Happenings

Ryker turned two!

We spent the day eating donuts for breakfast, having lunch and fun at McDonalds, fun at the park (it was 70 degrees. My kids were in short sleeves and shorts and everyone else had long sleeves....) and opening presents throughout the day!

Watch birthday montage here: https://vimeo.com/122669252

 Found out he goes nuts on sugar. I don't care if people think I'm crazy...he gets limited sugar because it's addictive and quite frankly a drug (don't believe me???? http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmed/23719144)

He is such a special boy. He is quick to observe and leans a lot that way. He will switch laundry, unload and start the dishwasher, clean up toys and room. I've started to give him options on what to wear so he's "dressing himself". Loves shoes and socks. Not many actual words but I can understand him! :) He is such a good helper with Jaxon too. I will catch him giving hugs and kisses and returning the paci to Jaxon's mouth. Jaxon LOVES Ryker and always lights up when he sees him. He sleeps well, eats well...well for the most part. He has an extensive palate but has started to gag himself. So he'll start gagging himself with food in his mouth and spits it out. It's obnoxious. He is a lover. Physical touch has to be his primary love language. I get good snuggles at night!


Jaxon is growing fast! He rolls ALL over the place and loves kicking and bouncing in his bouncer. (Lots of fun pictures and videos of my kids if you click the Instagram icon on the right!)


We celebrated Randy's 26th birthday on Feb. 17 and he was spoiled as well! We had a few special days last month due to "ice storms". They cancelled his school so we just stayed home and snuggled all day!

We went to the Grapevine Mills Aquarium because they have buy one get one free tickets right now. Ryker LOVED it. I loved seeing him running around and just the wonder and amazement in his eyes. Worth it.

Jaxon's Blessing Day

What a whirlwind day. We decided to bless Jaxon in Idaho when we were altogether with family and also do it with our niece who was born two weeks before him. They're from Virginia so it was a neat opportunity.

The night before, we had received word that a close friend (who was battling cancer) had been rushed to the hospital. So family members had been up all night. The next morning, I was praying really hard that we would have a beautiful, spiritual day. When we got to Randy's parents house, it was very quiet and the spirit was there. Randy's mother asked for a blessing of comfort and it was so beautiful to see all the men using their priesthood power and blessing my mother in law. 

Soon people arrive for the brunch and we are finishing up, getting kids ready when my niece (a different one) cut her head open. Mass panic as we are deciding what to do with her and if we were to move the blessing to the house. We ended up going to church and they literally walked in right before she was to get her blessing. 

So when sacrament meeting was over, the last thing I really thought about was getting pictures...we didn't get any pictures with my family and only have a few of Randy's. And like NONE in Jaxon's outfit. UGH! But that's not what is important. Jason Eli Searle was blessed and given a name and it was great.

Christmas 2014

Christmas vacation was wonderful! Randy got out of school a week before Christmas and we were cursing ourselves for not booking an earlier flight!

We flew out the 23rd (THANK YOU KELSIE AND KIM FOR BEING OUR CHAUFFEURS!) and had smooth flights. We landed late at night and just crashed. The next day was Christmas Eve. We spent the day with Randy's family and the night with mine. Good old traditions with family talent show, the nativity acted out and yummy food. So fun to see all the "great-grandkids" do it now. Ryker performed wheels on the bus and I was a proud momma! Santa came for a visit and Ryker was TERRIFIED....

(Wow guys seriously....it's march and I'm trying to remember Christmas...I suck) 

So the next day was Christmas. So fun to see Ryker open presents and he would say, "ohhhhhhhh!" when he opened them. It was so cute and we were so spoiled! Kamden skyped and that was fun! He comes home from Tonga in July!

We also had the devastating and beautiful experience of attending the funeral of a close friend's mother. She had been battling cancer and had taken a turn for the worse. We felt so grateful to be able to attend it and be there. Also grateful for the knowledge of eternal families and knowing that we will see her again! She's in a beautiful and amazing place now. 

Pretty much just going to post pictures now because I can't remember much. Just loved being with family and wish that we had balanced our time better. It's a blessing and a burden that we are from the same town...

(Can I just put a disclosure....I know that I am a photographer and charge people money to take pictures so ya know all my pictures should look amazing right??? Well they aren't...it's called real life and I'm not going to go and "edit" them all....plus sometimes I just need to snap a quick picture and I can't say that I took all of these, others grabbed my camera...ok bye!)