Back to Life. Back to Reality.

(Do I feel like a bit of a hypocrite sharing the link to this on my Facebook? You betcha. But I just felt like sharing.)

In my last post, I mentioned how I had deleted Facebook and Instagram off of my phone. I can still access them on the desktop but it's not super convenient like having it on the tips of my fingers.

In the October 2015 General Conference of the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints, there was a talk called, "What Lack I Yet?" 

"If we are humble and teachable, the Holy Ghost will prompt us to improve and lead us home, but we need to ask the Lord for directions along the way."

In the talk, he talked about how when we ask sincerely, God will tell us how we can improve and what things we need to do to get there. Well, reluctantly, I asked. "How can I feel the Spirit more?" "What is thy will for me?" "What lack I yet?" "How can I be more patient with my kids?" "How can I get more things accomplished?" Well, I got my answer and pretty fast. I knew it was coming but I was in denial. In fact, it took me awhile to take action.

The answer?

"Delete social media off of your phone."

What? NO! How will I keep in contact with people? How will they see my cute kids? How will I see what other people are up to? What if I miss out on something? What if I miss an invitation? What if I get bored...how will I fill my time? 

Guys. I couldn't do it at first. I literally said, "No. I can't." I knew it was a problem, but I resolved to use it for good. To share good things, to say good things, to share compliments and to share pictures of my littles.  I never realized how much time I was spending on my phone until I got an app that told me I was spending HOURS on my phone. Scrolling through posts. Over and over. I tried to just spend less time on my phone. Leaving my phone upstairs if I was downstairs or visa versa. But I just couldn't. It was like second nature. I would open my phone and my fingers would automatically go to the Facebook/Instagram buttons. Even if I had just closed my phone and closed the apps. It was so weird and shameful almost.

So I asked again (later...maybe a few weeks).

"Delete social media off of your phone."

I knew I had to. I was ADDICTED. Is that hard to say? Yes. Am I still addicted? Yes. I literally get cravings, triggers to look at Facebook and Instagram. I realized my annoyance with my kids is when they were begging for my attention but I was too sucked in to my phone that I would get mad they were bugging me or getting into things. Again...embarrassing. I feel like I am an excellent mother. But there was room for improvement.

So I took immediate action. I deleted the apps off of my phone.

I won't lie. It's been hard. Withdrawal is real. 

It's really quite embarrassing putting it out there--to admit I'm addicted--TO MY PHONE. TO MY PHONE PEOPLE!? What is this?!

Have I missed out? Yes. Will I in the future? Most likely. I have made it a goal to invite more. To send a quick text to tell people I miss them. Instead of stalking their profiles, I'm actually getting to know them. 

Now, after not having these apps on my phone, going to Facebook and Instagram is overwhelming. I feel drained and stressed scrolling through. I wish that I could see everyone's lives and what they're up to. But it's exhausting. I was comparing myself to others, wishing I had talents they have. Looks they have. Friends they have. Lives they have. But I'm learning to love the life I have sans social media. I want to actually get to know people. I want to meet them. I want to TALK to them. I want to "play" with them. I want to see them. Now I have the time to read my scriptures. Actually spend the 30 minutes--hour I was spending catching up on Facebook/Instagram on the scriptures and talks and preparing my lessons for young women. Now I have the time to actually play with my kids instead of "watching" them play. Now I have the time to keep up on my house. Am I perfect? Not even. Just trying my best.

Do I still get on?? Occasionally, to clear my notifications. But like I said, it's overwhelming. 

Why am I writing this? I don't know. Not to brag. Like I said, I'm embarrassed to even be admitting this stuff. But maybe to encourage you? Reach out to people in REAL life? Show interest in REAL LIFE? Decide what's important. Am I judging? Not at all...please don't judge me!!! Decide on your goals and how you want to accomplish them. What is standing in your way?

Maybe you can ask, "What Lack I Yet?" I would love to know (if it's not personal) what things you have been working on! Comment below!